Approval & Blessings

The prudence of the best heads is often defeated by the tenderness of the best of hearts - Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754)

When I saw this nice quote, it immediately brought me back to the discussion I had with a dear old friend over the weekend. No matter how obstinate a stubborn parent is, once tended with constant tenderness by the best intentions, things will fall into place. I wish him all the best :)

It was nice spending a quiet evening with mum. Hope you love the specs!

Dance of Love

"Relationship is a powerful, often dizzying dance of polarities - sometimes delightful and seductive, sometimes fierce and combative, sometimes energizing, sometimes exhausting... The dance of relationship always involves alterations - between coming together and moving apart, taking hold and letting go, yielding and taking the lead, giving ourselves and maintaining integrity. It is not an easy dance to learn. Many people soon loose the rythm and wind up deadlocked in opposing positions, knowing only how to attack or withdraw."

Most books talk about "What's wrong with relationships and how we can fix them?" and the beauty of this book is that it focuses on "What's right about relationships that are already working successfully?" with concrete examples from real couples the author interviewed for this book.

Relationships or any form of commitment for that matter, are never easy... so is marriage, both parties have to work on it. The love experience is largely that of our own essence, as it is evoked by the presence of the other. Presence means presenting our own essence, taking off the masks and defenses, having our hearts open. It is the commitment to work diligently on their relationships, to persevere in resolving any difficulties and to consistently support each other.

I love the use of analogy of yoga to describe relationships - relationship requires awareness, focus, intent and consistent practice.It teaches us to stretch and strengthen parts of ourselves, to take unfamiliar positions while remaining centered and in balance, to direct our energy in new ways and to relax. We have the choice to be protective and avoid pain, or to open and learn to work with it. Yoga is challenging and invigorating, hard work and great fun. It gets easier and brings new insights as we move along the path. And it requires... commitment, commitment to integrity, to embrace our wholeness and the wholeness of our partner... seeing the oneness while seeking resolution of differences, without attempts at manipulating one to satisfy the other.

Hmm, the book asks if you have been in a relationship where in large or small ways, agreeing to things that you don't want to do? How often do you lie about your feelings or behaviour for fear of rejection, anger, loss, pain or hurting someone's feelings? And how often are you able to maintain your integrity in the face of those fears? These are questions worth exploring.

The books encourages us to practice the Voice Dialogue - recognising our inner selves: the pusher, pleaser, controller, critic, vulnerable child, rebel, good parent, and many more. Giving the various selves a voice helps us discover what each one feels and thinks, what it needs and what it has to offer. Some of these are primary selves, those which we most value and identify with as who we are. Opposite each primary self is a disowned self, one which we judge as bad or deny exists. When some selves take exclusive control and others are shut down, inaccessible, we are automatically out of integrity. All aspects of our wholeness want to be recognised, accepted and integrated in some way.

Interestingly, our partners will often embody the selves we disown (polar opposites attract) and this can be a source of great conflict for couples or else they can come to appreciate that each partner holds an energy that the couple needs to develop... bottomline we need to look out for complementary characteristics in that each partner brought balance and new ways of being for the other to integrate - the key: allowance, agreeing and disagreeing at times. And being mindful or one's Aware Ego is the central aspect of personality which recognises and honors all the many facets of ourselves, consciously choosing which energies to bring into expression at a given time.

I've just finished chapter 2 of chapter 9 and what I gather from this book is that relationships require self-awareness, persistence, flexibility, patience and lots of honest communication, which is the subject of the the subsequent chapters so stay tuned!

Mum's wishes

It has been an interesting few months. Only good tidings await and I'm ready for them.

Today shall be a short post. I just want to wish mum a wonderful birthday. Just like any other day, today is a day to say thank you especially for all that you do. It's a day to bless you, for all that you do especially for just being you.

PS: Enjoyed the outing with my young cousins... it was a blast! Let's do this again :)

Love Maths

1 x 8 + 1 = 91
2 x 8 + 2 = 9812
3 x 8 + 3 = 987123
4 x 8 + 4 = 98761234
5 x 8 + 5 = 9876512345
6 x 8 + 6 = 987654123456
7 x 8 + 7 = 98765431234567
8 x 8 + 8 = 9876543212345678
9 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

Brilliant, isn't it? And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 111 x 11 = 1211
11 x 111 = 123211
111 x 1111 = 12343211
1111 x 11111 = 1234543211
11111 x 111111 = 123456543211
111111 x 1111111 = 12345676543211
1111111 x 11111111 = 1234567876543211
11111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321

Now, take a look at this...101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint: What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%. How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R ST U V W X Y Z
Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 1617 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If: H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%

And: K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+ 4+7+5 = 96%

But: A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top! Subhan Alllah!

Eco Living

I'm inspired by the Project7Ten documentary that showcases eco-friendly homes hence this post.

For skeptics, this is no gimmick; LEED certification program actually makes self-sustaining home that is kinder to your pockets while benefiting human kind in the long run:

• Lower operating costs and increase asset value
• Reduce waste sent to landfills
• Conserve energy and water
• Be healthier and safer for occupants
• Reduce harmful greenhouse gas emissions
• Qualify for tax rebates, zoning allowances and other incentives in hundreds of cities
• Demonstrate an owner's commitment to environmental stewardship and social responsibility

It is easy to live eco-friendly life by starting with purchasing home appliances, clothes such as Stewart & Brown, food, etc. For home appliances, Energy Star lists energy- and money-saving appliances that is environmental friendly while Australia has energy efficient programs such as energy rating, home packages with rebates, REES makes homes energy smart. Singapore enegy labelling scheme kickstarts April 2009 and Singapore is cultivating energy smart hotels, offices and retail malls, ... a good start, finally! Would you get started?

Silent Hero

Time and again, human nature tends to veer towards the unnecessary. Celebrate in life instead of criticize, coz in death, wouldn't it be too late? I end my post with poignant excerpts from the song Gone Too Soon:

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day, Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon,
Gone Too Soon...

Verses of love

I read the book before I watched the DVD with my family and it clicked. Unconditional love means loving the Creator above all coz nothing truly belong to us as our lives on earth are a mere test of our conviction and faith. Allow me to leave you with the OST from the movie, enjoy!



PS: The couple that fights the most is the one most in love... it shows they care enough to notice the other one screwed up and care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it. When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring. So, to the lovely couple, happy birthday :)

Accidental hero

Today, upon reaching home, mum told me that my youngest nephew was hospitalised. He had second degree burn from scalding. Mother and child will remain in the hospital for further observation. My heart went out to my nephew.

Accidents happen to the best of us and I hope my sister-in-law does not get too caught up with the feeling of guilt; everyone wants to be the best parent for his or her child.

There is hikmah in all situations. Perhaps, we will be more mindful in ensuring a safe haven for our children at home. For a start, read this article on preventing scald burns.

Choices . Time . Decision .

A poignant moment calls for a poignant message via a poignant song. Profound? Its ok, don't psycho-analyse. Enjoy this nice melody :)

Morning light...

As I gazed at the morning sun rising from the east, sipping my coffee, with the daily news in my left hand... I wonder when was the last time I stopped to smell the roses.

I guess just like in the past years, with the kickstart of my 12 projects, would the days pass me by so swiftly that I'll lose track of what's important to me? My heart is weighing heavy on the days to come, partly due to the transition in power, partly due to the uncertainties ahead... I have to get rid of this melancholy. Hmm, for those reading this, sorry... this is just a vent. Regardless, don't let life's little pleasures pass you by. Enjoy this nice melody while you are at it...



PS: Happy birthday Aunt Z, Grandma & 'Precious'.

Read Right!

Subhan Allah. When I read the book Read Right, it truly shows that the brain is an amazing organ. Dr Tadlock is right. Sometimes we do not give ourselves or our babies or kids enough credit in the ability to 'softwire' the brain towards excellence. Perhaps its the social stigma or the lack of knowledge. I'd recommend this book to first-time parents... a must read! :)

Not good at it...

Heller Keller used to say, "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched but are felt in the heart". Then Blake Pascal added, "The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of".

Today I had an awkward situation. Why was it hard to just come out and say it like it is? I guess its partly coz I could not vibe or read what the other party is truly thinking or even feeling. I'm not good at this and have never been good at it.

Yes, I'm straightforward when it comes to giving opinions or perspective but when it boils down to expressing my own feelings about something dear to me, I get tongue tied. Why? Its not like I do not know what I want and what I do not want. I think I have clearly communicated this.

Perhaps its the traditonal gal in me or that its too soon. Give it time, zah... insya Allah, when the moment is right, the words will naturally flow both ways.

P/S: Meanwhile, grams, forgive me for buying time... I promise this time, its gonna be right. Be there please... insya Allah.

Raising A Reader

My recent project requires me to research on how to instil the love of reading in kids. A book that I've just read is Read to me: raising kids who love to read . The author generally outlines the profile of each age group and recommended books to facilitate the joy of reading at their level. Other good reads include They're never too young for books: A guide to Children's Books for Ages 1 to 8 and Effective Reading Strategies.

I'm sold on the benefits reading early has on a child's mental and emotional development. And it is important that the whole family is sold on this idea such that reading becomes a central part of everyday family life.

Doing this project makes me wonder... will I be a good mother and educator to my future kids? Subhan Allah, motherhood is such a fulfilling vocation and I pray that I will have the opportunity to experience it, insya Allah.

Home

This week has been a blast, spending time with those who matter most to me. I was asked the question recently "Where is home?"... Simply put, its where your heart is :)

Let me end this short post with a nice video music by one of my fave artist, Michael Buble with a song aptly called "Home".

Cyber Safety

I'm so thankful to Allah SWT that recently we embarked on a project called Cyber Safety. I've learnt alot and applied the tips to ensure that I protect myself and the interest of those close to me from 'mistaken identities'.

After awhile, you just get good at sniffing lies upon lies... with technology, it gets so much easier. And at the end of the day, always trust your instincts especially after istikhara :)

Made to Stick

I simply love this book "Made to Stick". All marketers out there - yeah you - this is one read not to be missed. All you need to do is apply the simple SUCCESs principles in all that you do and voila.

Simple: Find and share the Core
Unexpected: Get attention (remember AIDA?) through surprise and hold the attention/interest
Concrete: Help people understand, remember and coordinate
Credible: Help people believe (internal and external credibility)
Emotional: Make people care, use the power of associations, appeal to self-interest and identity
Stories: Get people to act

With the use of these principles, we need to also be mindful of symptoms such as the curse of knowledge, decision paralysis, etc.

Vote Earth!

I'm so heartened to know that my organisation is participating in Earth Hour.

Vote earth! Your light switch is your vote
Date: 28 March 2009
Time: 8.30pm to 9.30pm (your local time)

Look out for the results at the Global Climate Change Conference 2009.

Everybody can play a part in preserving the only planet we have. For example:

1. Go to LibraryPressDiplay and read global digital newspapers vs printed newspapers
2. Cut your showertime by a minute and save 9 litres of water
3. Use less paper because to produce 1 kg of paper demands 300 litres of water

You have a choice. You can make a difference. So make a concerted effort. Help us help ourselves and our future kids.

Humility

In life, what truly matters is neither the riches of the earth nor the title to a name but the outreach of a helping hand of a kindred spirit, a stranger who is colour blind yet sees clearly from the heart. You won't know when you need help so live life with humility. Truly, everything you have on this earth belongs to the Almighty.

Let me end this short post with a nice poem by Oliver Goldsmith, "The Deserted Village" especially this part:

Ill fares the land, to hastening ills a prey,
Where wealth accumulates, and men decay.
Princes and lords may flourish, or may fade;
A breath can make them, as a breath has made:
But a bold peasantry, their country’s pride,
When once destroy’d, can never be supplied.

Moving On...

The past year has been, in retrospect, a trying year but I'm not complaining coz I feel that things happened for a reason and the Almighty knows what is best for me.

Looking back, work has been fulfilling and in the midst of my hectic work schedule, I managed to take time off and spend it with mum... just the two of us, something which I truly appreciate as it brought us closer.

With the end of Maulidur Rasul, a new chapter of my life begins. And I'm truly looking forward to what life has to offer... it would simply be beautiful. Let me leave you with a compilation of inspirational poems...

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. And don't let today's disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow's dreams. Granted, the past cannot be changed, but the future is still in your power and the only place where dreams are impossible is in your own mind. As you travel through life, your dreams will guide you, determination will get you there, and love will provide the greatest scenery of all. So forgive quickly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile."

Words

There were times when words are not enough to salvage a situation because they lack genuine meaning. And then there were times when not enough were being said, which even actions could not make up for them; the well-meaning intentions buried under the silence.

Through it all, human beings are still creatures of habit - they wanted to be told and reminded on a regular basis that they are needed or loved. Not many people are comfortable with the silent undying love, with the old ways of 'actions speak louder than words'...

The answer is clear, everyone has insecurities and fear and it is precisely that fear... yes, the fear of being taken for granted, the fear that the love has gone, the fear of losing the familiar, unless the vow or promise is renewed.